


Curse is as Good as a Kiss

by thenerdyindividual



Category: The Witcher (TV)
Genre: Feral Jaskier | Dandelion, M/M, Magic, Magic Jaskier, Protective Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia, Witch Curses, magic shenanigans
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-24
Updated: 2020-04-24
Packaged: 2021-03-01 22:40:25
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,771
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23814745
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thenerdyindividual/pseuds/thenerdyindividual
Summary: Jaskier insults a creature he really shouldn't, but thankfully she is amused by it. In return she grants him a rather interesting gift.
Relationships: Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia/Jaskier | Dandelion
Comments: 59
Kudos: 863





	Curse is as Good as a Kiss

“I told you to stay at the inn.” Geralt sighs.

Jaskier just smiles winningly, “Adventure awaits for no man, and if you were willing to share more details, then I wouldn’t have to follow you.”

Geralt ties Roach to a tree. The forest is going to be dense from here on out for her to travel without risking breaking her leg.

“Keep an eye on Roach.”

“We both know Roach can take better care of herself than I can.” Jaskier says.

At least this time he’d left his lute behind. He has a habit of bringing it with him, and then glaring at Geralt when the monster gets too close to tit. Somehow no argument of ‘if you stayed behind, this wouldn’t happen’ seems to be enough to persuade him to listen.

They had stopped in a village who claimed they were having troubles with children disappearing. The only clue was a mysterious hut in the forest, and an old woman with eyes too sharp to be entirely natural.

Unfortunately, this is the exact kind of story that Jaskier lives for. He’d followed behind Geralt as he rode, trying to stay invisible among the trees, but Jaskier isn’t someone who is subtle. Geralt had him figured out in seconds but held on to hope that eventually, he would tire of trying to be sneaky. 

He was right, but it came too late for Jaskier to go back safely on his own. 

If Jaskier is going to be sneaking, Geralt really needs to teach him how to do it properly.

The two of them pick their way across the forest floor, eyes trained for any sign of a hut with a fence made of bone. 

They stumble across it abruptly. One minute there is nothing but miles of trees stretching ahead of them, the next they’re standing in a clearing. The hut is small, probably one room. Smoke rises from a little chimney. The fence is, sure enough, made of bone and is topped by something that looks suspiciously like skulls.

“Is that…?” Jaskier trails off when Geralt waves a hand at him.

“Stay here, otherwise I’ll kill you myself.” Geralt warns.

“You always say that.” Jaskier whispers back, but for once looks inclined to listen.

Geralt eases from th tree line, drawing his silver sword silently. It weighs heavy in his hands, as if the hut itself is repelling it. Geralt presses on.

Suddenly the door to the hut bangs open, and a hunched old woman totters out. She glares at him with those beady eyes. Geralt feels that tingle on his forearms that indicates heavy magic. She may look like an old woman, but he is sure she is anything but human.

“What is the meaning of this?” she hisses at him.

“Children have gone missing,” Geralt says calmly.

The old woman grins, and her teeth are too sharp. She takes a pipe out of the pocket of her skirt, and takes a puff on it. Smoke curls around her head despite the fact she never seemed to light it.

“Children are by far the most delicious.”

There’s a shocked gasp from behind him, and Geralt’s eyes flick to Jaskier. He has that look on his face that promises trouble. This is not going to end well.

The old woman glances at Jaskier as well, and then her gaze returns to Geralt.

“What do you plan to do with that?” she asks nodding her head at the sword.

“Kill you.” Geralt grunts.

The old woman throws her head back, and laughs. The sound grates on every single nerve. It’s like steel screeching against itself, and the call of a bird of prey.

“Witchers have been trying to kill me since the continent formed. I don’t see you changing that.”

“How dare you?” Jaskier exclaims.

At some point he’d positioned himself at Geralt’s shoulder. THe old woman’s eyes slide to him instead, glinting with curiosity.

“How dare I what?”

“How dare you laugh when you’ve eaten children?” Jaskier snaps, “They had no hope of defending against you, and yet you stand here and laugh at the man hoping to bring you to justice?”

The grin returns to the old woman’s face, and she totters down the stairs. She moves straight for Jaskier. Geralt swings his sword at her.

Her eyes flick to him, she clicks her tongue disapprovingly, and Geralt finds himself frozen to the spot.

“Now now, Witcher,” she says warningly, “I mean no harm to your companion. I’m not hungry anyway.”

She chuckles at her own joke. Then she finishes tottering to Jaskier, and cups her cheek with one claw-like hand. Jaskier struggles, but he is as stuck as Geralt.

“Humans don’t usually speak to me as you do.”

“Damn it, Jaskier.” Geralt grunts.

Jaskier sends him a wide-eyed look ‘Sorry. How was I supposed to know she would try to kill me?’

“Luckily, you caught me on a good day,” the old woman continues, “I get bored easily, and that wasn’t boring.”

“Glad to be of service.” Jaskier replies sarcastically.

The old woman clucks her tongue again, “Don’t make me change my mind. I’m going to give you something.”

She roots around in the pockets of her dress again before coming out with a pebble. It can’t be bigger than a fingertip. Grey, unassuming.

She stares at it a moment, eyes gleaming. Then she turns that gleaming look on Jaskier once more, “Open up”

“What? No! I’m not--” but the rest of Jaskier’s sentence is cut off by the old woman uses one of her claws to catch Jaskier’s jaw in a bruising grip, preventing him from closing his mouth.

Geralt struggles against the magical bonds to no avail, “Don’t touch him!” he growls.

The old woman just ignores him. WIth her free hand she places the pebble in Jaskier’s mouth, and then shoves his jaw shut, forcing him to swallow.

A blinding light bursts from Jaskier. It pulses green, blue, pink, and then white so bright it lights the clearing and a good piece of the forest beyond. Jaskier slumps to his knees, head thrown back, eyes unseeing.

“What did you do?” Geralt growls, clutching at his sword.

“I gave him a gift.” the old woman repeats.

Then she turns, and totters back into her home. The earth shudders beneath Geralt’s feet. Then the house rises up, and walks away into the forest.

With the old woman, and her home gone, the enchantment ends. Geralt launches himself from where he’s been stuck, and comes to his knees in the irt next to Jaskier. 

Visions of Jaskier’s throat swelling, of Jaskier choking on his own blood, eyes wide and scared, chase through Geralt’s mind as he clutches at Jaskier’s doublet. The light fades, and Jaskier drags in a deep ragged breath. He blinks at Geralt.

“Did that bitch make me swallow a fucking rock?”

“Are you okay?” Geralt asks

Jaskier pats himself down, like he’s not sure himself. Then he nods jerkily, “I’m okay. I think.”

“Do you have to insult everything sentient?” Geralt grumbles, standing up and pulling Jaskier up with him.

Jaskier shrugs a bit helplessly, “Afraid so. Wouldn’t be myself if I didn’t.”

Geralt hates to admit that that’s true.

“How likely is it that she returns to bother them again?” Jaskier asks

“Unlikely. She’ll find new hunting grounds.” Geralt answers.

They pick their way back to Roach. It is easy enough, they left tracks on their way in. All they need to do is follow them back.

“Think they’ll still pay you?”

“I’m not going to accept the money. I didn’t kill her.”

“It is a wonder you never starve to death, Geralt. I swear to the gods, you’re too fucking noble for your own good.”

Geralt helps Jaskier onto Roach, and swings up behind him. He won’t admit it, but this had him worried. He keeps coming too close to losing Jaskier, and he eosn’t know what will happen to him if that happens. 

So he lets Jaskier ride Roach too, even though it’s hard to see beyond his head.

Jaskier’s hand comes to rest on Geralt’s where it is wrapped around his waist. He squeezes it a bit, lute calluses rough against Geralt’s skin. He turns and presses a kiss to Geralt’s jaw.

“I’m alright.” he says softly.

Geralt nods, and some of the tension he’s carrying in his shoulders relaxes.

They are in an entirely different inn, in an entirely different town about a week later when it happens.

Jaskier is mid performance. The audience in the dining room are enjoying it, singing along to the songs they know, clapping in beat to the ones they don’t. Many coins land in Jaskier’s lute case.

There’s always one heckler though. No matter where they are, one fucker with shit for brains will harrass Jaskier. Geralt stays out of it. Jaskier can handle it on his own.

Tonight a red faced man, deep in his cups keeps booing. Occasionally he’ll slur an insult. Jaskier is doing a surprisingly good job of ignoring him. Then the man escalates his abuse. He staggers to his feet, and dumps the remainders of his ale --most of a tankard-- over Jaskier’s head.

The audience sucks in a breath, and even Geralt jumps to his feet. Whether that is because he’s going to defend Jaskier, or protect the man form Jaskier’s rage remains to be seen.

Jaskier fixes the man with a withering glare, and says in a low even voice, that carries his anger despite the volume, Geralt has never heard before, “With manners like that, I hope you are as ugly out as you are in.”

The words hang in the air, and then the man opens his mouth to respond. Whatever he planned to say is cut off by a blood-curdling scream. He falls to his knees, clutching at his face.

Jaskier staggers away, eyes wide with confusion. Several of the man’s companions drag at the man’s arms, trying to get a look at what caused the scream. When his hands finally come free, they reveal boils. The man’s face is still crunched in agony, and is covered ear to ear, forehead to chin in angry red boils. Some are as big as Geralt’s thumb, and they pulse. 

Someone is sick in the corner. No one moves for several minutes, and Jaskier turns wide eyes to Geralt.

“Well, I think we know what the gift is now.”

*

“You swallowed a magic pebble?” Yennefer asks, eyeing them like they’ve gone mad.

“Under protest.” Jaskier reminds her.

She huffs in irritation, and crosses her arms, “You swallowed a magic pebble, and then you gave a man boils?”

“That is rather an oversimplification,” Jaskier grumbles, “but that is the general shape of the problem.”

“I don’t know of any mage that can do that.” she says.

“I don’t think it was a mage.” Geralt interjects.

Yennefer turns to him, black hair glinting in the candle light. It’s late. So late they may be nearing light again. They’d ridden for weeks to reach her, and Geralt spent much of the time worrying that Jaskier would curse someone again before they could get there, Roach is still annoyed at him for making her carry two passengers for such a long journey. He’ll make it up to her eventually.

“What makes you think that?” Yen asks him.

“She didn’t smell right.”

Far easier to explain than the tingle on his arms, and mostly true. Jaskier is looking at him from the wooden table Yen had him sit on for her examination, looking puzzled.

“Jaskier, he smells mostly human. Has from the beginning.”

“Mostly?” Jaskier interjects, “What does that mean?”

Yennefer waves her hand, stopping his interruption, but not stopping the muttering.

“You still have the scent of human about you, but it’s hard to smell under the magic. The woman we met,” Geralt shakes his head, “All she smelled like was magic. Not elf, or faerie, or anything else.”

Yennefer hums thoughtfully, and shrugs, “Well I’ll need to do some research. Triss may have some books in her library that will be useful. For now we all need our beauty rest,” she glances at Jaskier, “You especially.”

Jaskier makes a rude gesture in her direction.

“There’s a comfortable lounge next door, I thought you could sleep there.” she says.

“Thank you for your hospitality.” Jaskier says dryly, hops down from the table, and looks at Geralt “As I am the one currently battling a magic spell, you can sleep on the floor.” 

“Actually,” Yennefer cuts in, “I was thinking Geralt could sleep with me.”

Jaskier’s jaw clunches, and Geralt feels his stomach hit his boots. For once, Yen isn’t being cold. She is genuinely out of the loop as far as the new facet of his relationship with Jaskier. Before Geralt can get his mouth open to explain that, Jaskier has turned, and is staring her down.

“I hope you never please in bed again.” Jaskier says in that same low voice.

Yen actually flinches, and then her brows come together sharply, and she lets out a shocked laugh, “Did you really just try to curse me?”

“He’s mine.” Jaskier says.

Yen straightens up, giving Jaskier a once over. Then the expression on her face morphs into one of begrudging respect, “That takes balls, bard.”

She shows them to a room with a proper bed, and fireplace. She sets a fire with a wave of her hand, and then wanders off to climb back into bed, presumably with Triss. Geralt strips off his armor, and climbs into bed. When Jaskier climbs in moments later, Geralt drags him close, and buries his face in Jaskier’s hair. He is relieved to find that Jaskier smells no different than he did before the magic pebble incident.

“I’m alright, dear heart.” Jaskier says, shifting in Geralt’s arms so that they are face to face.

“I worry it is a curse that will take you from me.” Geralt admits.

Jaskier’s hands card through his hair, and Jaskier gives him a firm kiss.

“If that’s what it is, I won’t let it.” he swears solemnly.

Yennefer, Triss, and Tissaia are all at a loss. All they can say is that it doesn;t seem to be harmful to anyone but Jaskier’s target.

*

“No cursing the judges if they don’t like you.” Geralt reminds him.

Jaskier rolls his eyes, “Most men would give their love a kiss for luck.”

So Geralt leans in, and kisses him deeply. When he pulls back, he repeats, “No cursing the judges if they don’t like you.”

“Yes, mum.” Jaskier says dutifully.

“I really hope you don’t kiss your mother like that.” Geralt says.

Jaskier smiles at him and rubs his tumb affectionately against Geralt’s chin, “You’re so cute when you make lame jokes.”

“Do my eyes deceive me, or is that Julian Pankratz?” a smarmy voice calls out.

Geralt doesn’t need his special Witcher senses to see the way Jaskier’s shoulders tighten, and lines appear around his eyes. He turns, offering an equally smarmy smile to the man lounging against the wall. A few of the other bards scatter, disappearing into the depths of the backstage they’re all waiting in.

“Valdo, how good it is to see you again.” Jaskier says, voice dripping with toxin.

Valdo. Geralt knows why that name sounds so familiar. Jaskier had wished him dead when they encountered the djinn. Again, Geralt needs no Witcher gifts to sense the impending doom. 

“It is so good for you to keep trying at these things,” Valdo sneers, “One can’t improve without criticism. Of course, I haven’t received criticism in many years. I would be happy to lend you some of my expertise.”

“That is very kind of you, but I have no need. I have been very successful.” Jaskier says, grinding his teeth. 

Valdo waves his hand dismissively, “Perhaps in pubs, inns, and the like. But that’s hardly real Art is it? Not like what we were taught at Oxenfurt.”

Jaskier’s fists clench at his sides, “You’re an insufferable cunt, Marx.”

Valdo Marx sucks in a deep breath, “How dare—“

“And as long as you’re an insufferable cunt, I hope your instrument never stays in tune.”

Geralt feels the telltale tingle on his forearms as Valdo storms off. He glares at Jaskier, disapprovingly. 

“You said not to curse the judges. You said nothing about fellow contestants.” Jaskier says, and takes his place in the line up. 

Geralt isn’t at all surprised when Jaskier wins. Or when halfway through his performance, Valdo Marx’s lute begins to make terrible off key twangs.

**Author's Note:**

> Come Visit me on tumblr for more Witcher! https://thenerdyindividual.tumblr.com/


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